Would she be proud?

My mom died 8 years ago yesterday.

She was 64 years old and she died from ALS.  She was diagnosed in November and died in June.

She made it 7 months, the last two being unbearable to watch.

I was 38 years old when she departed, and 37 when I learned the news about her fate.  Fun fact:  Three weeks before mom learned she was going to die in one of the most undignified ways a person could imagine dying, I was fired from a good paying corporate career.

It has now been almost 9 years since I worked for the “man” and I now technically have 3 consulting companies. 

One of them is 100% mine:  The Business of Fitness

One of them is 90% mine:  Goby

One of them is 40% mine:  TAZ Training

None of them are going gangbusters…………yet, but I have been to 45 states, over 30 for work, and have helped over 100 fitness centers increase revenue.

I have assessed the personality/communication style/EQ of thousands of people, helping them better understand themselves, their co-workers, their employees, and their family.

I have also had a lot of down times.  Being an entrepreneur can be a lonely and stressful life.

I have had times when I drank too much.

I have had times when I was almost homeless.

I remember selling household items to pay for food and bills.

I could have used a mother (and a dad, he died two months after mom) during some of these tough times.

Not for financial help, but for emotional support.  And to find out, if I am making her proud.  I do believe she would be happy as long as I am happy, but I also think that deep down, she would want me to live my dreams.

And I haven’t been.

I have been occupying my days by getting by and getting more distracted. 

And Mom, that stops today.  I am 46 years old and I have two books that I need to write.  One, I have started and the other I have not.  I promise you that I will finish these novels (one novella and one novel) soon. 

And my three companies will continue to grow. 

I wrote a song about you yesterday.  Here it is:

Would you be proud, by Jason Linse

The way it went down, you crawling on the ground

To get up the stairs to your room

Take a trip he said, someone’s gonna be dead

Too young, too soon

In 73, you cradled me, soon after I entered this world

Four decades forward, your son, a coward, cradled you as you took your last breath

Would you be proud

Of the life I have led

Or would you be ashamed

Of all the tears I caused shed

Would you be proud

Of my heart and my head

Or would you be afraid

That my ways could leave me dead

Would you be proud

I remember the hugs, and the deserved discipline

The love, and your smile

Go to college you said, you have such a gift

Too young, too wild